I can do this

I'm 50.

And I sometimes still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up. What does it mean to grow up? My ass is fatter, my boobs are a little more saggy, my hair is definitely grey....and when I look in the mirror I think I look pretty shitty for a 30 year old. Then I remember that I'm 50.

I had a pretty shitty day today. I seem to be caught in the middle of a shit-ton of negative feelings, with no option but to travel down the road, stay on the bus, and let things work their way out. My daughter would say: "Everything will be fine in the end. If it's not fine, it's not the end." Actually I told that to her first, but she uses it against me all the time now. Foiled by my own advice!

Things will work out. Everyone will end up where they are supposed to be. Negative feelings will abate. I have never been really good at sitting and waiting. I am not a sitting and waiting kinda gal. Sometimes, when I start to doubt my strength, I remember visiting NY in 1985. I walked out of the subway and someone stole the wallet out of my purse on the way up the stairs. I looked down at my purse, saw it was open and looked up at the crowd on the street. A young kid was striding down the sidewalk with MY wallet under his arm.

I didn't think, contemplate, plan, or scheme.

I chased.

And I got my damn wallet back.

And I scared the shit out of a young punk who thought I was an easy mark.

I can do this....